I like “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory” as much as the next guy who leaves it on every time he sees it on TV, but there is a lot of weird stuff going on in that movie. I’m not referring to Oompa Loompas and sociopathic Willy himself. I am referring to Charlie’s family. Do they ever shower? Don’t they have horrible bed sores? When Charlie wins the ticket, Grandpa Joe manages to get out of bed, and with a few stretches is ready to go on an arduous journey through a factory. Yet he can’t find a part time job? Look how poor your family is, do something!
Then when the family scrapes together a present for Charlie with what little money they have (I’m looking again at you, Joe), Charlie taunts them with his lies about winning the ticket. I didn’t win with my bar, by the way. I won’t lie to you.
Even the supposedly jolly candy man manages a few assorted moments of evil. When the rich, preferred children are in his shop, he’s singing and tossing free candy around. Then when poor Charlie walks in, the singing stops and he forces Charlie to pay. And when Charlie wants to buy a bar for his Grandpa Joe, the candy man shoves a Wonka Bar in his hand, since no one’s buying them now that the contest is over. Finally, when a strange man jumps in front of Charlie in a tunnel, Charlie stands there and listens to him! Why wouldn’t he run away, like any other child? Oh right, because he has terrible parental figures.
Anyway, the Scrumdiddlyumptious bar.
Protip: Turn the bar upside down, and it’s the “M” from the Mets’ logo.
Already, it’s off to a weak start since it’s a milk chocolate bar. But milk chocolate is fine when you’ve got some kick ass fillings to put in it. And the Scrumdiddlyumptious bar has those in spades: toffee, cookie pieces, and peanuts.
One nice thing about the bar is that it can be broken into segments for sharing, except the segments aren’t evenly sized in order to make room for the giant “W” in the middle of it. So when someone asks you for a piece, you can give them one of the tiny ones.