My mental and emotional experiences with Tiny Toast have run a very wide gamut. I first heard about it a while back, when I saw an article about General Mills releasing its first new cereal in (insert surprisingly large number that I now forget) years.
The first thing I thought was, “Wait, that doesn’t sound right… really?” The second thing I thought was, “They’re breaking their hermetic seal for something called ‘Tiny Toast’?”
After seeing the packaging, it became pretty clear – General Mills just wants to find more usage for the machines that pump out French Toast Crunch. Maybe giving into the 90’s nostalgia wasn’t as financially rewarding as they had hoped, I don’t know.
But clearly, the head of General Mills wanted to turn that little toaster into a profit machine.
Tiny Toast doesn’t seem like the most interesting cereal, in theory. Without a description like “Cinnamon” or “French Toast”, you might just be expecting… toast. The “tiny” part goes without saying. No one would worry that Cinnamon Toast Crunch wasn’t going to fit on a spoon.
On the bright side, “Tiny Toast” is a lot of fun to say.
Tiny Toast seems to give up on the toast theming almost immediately with the product itself. It comes in two varieties : Blueberry and Strawberry. I guess you could argue that they are popular flavors of jam / jelly, that go on toast, but I don’t know if I buy that. It just seems like, “Here’s a little toast-shaped cereal piece. Also, it’s flavored.”
One thing the cereal definitely has going for it is packaging aesthetics. The cereal box looks exactly like something you’d see mock-advertised on Ren and Stimpy. Simple design, but well-executed with bright colors and a fun logo / font. So the boxes look awesome.
The cereal pieces look close enough to what they’re supposed to be.
The flavor of Blueberry hedges its bets, between “real” tasting and “this is the fake flavor that you expect blueberry cereal to taste like”. Sitting in this middle ground, it’s a very forgettable taste.
It did a respectable job of making the milk taste vaguely like if Blueberry Quik was a thing.
Strawberry, on the other hand, ups the ante a bit with its willingness to lean towards the fake cereal flavors.
The problem is, the fake strawberry flavor doesn’t taste good. It’s not a horrible flavor, but something is just very off with it. You can easily eat a bowl, but you might not be about with it.
It does, however, finally answer the age-old question of, “What if Strawberry Quik tasted really weird?”
Despite my unhealthy obsession with cereal, both in the “affecting my mind” and “affecting my body” aspects, I pretty much draw the line at following cereal sales.
My knowledge of if a cereal is selling well is usually based on, “They don’t make it anymore, I guess it didn’t sell that well.”
So I was kind of surprised to see they still make Jif Peanut Butter Cereal. I wasn’t a big fan. I get the appeal, to be sure, but it just seemed like a cereal that didn’t have a huge audience. It seemed like Jif would come out, people would go “Huh, there it is.” and we’d all move on. Over time I did grow to really like the box art. Its almost aggressively dull retro aesthetic became something to respect.
Instead, two years later, Jif still exists and is getting a line extension – Jif PB&J Strawberry. That name sure is awful typed out like that.
Jif kept its 1982 cereal-piece-shapes. But instead of going for a more odd shape for the jelly pieces, it went with the tried and true Crunch Berry shape.
The color of the jelly pieces seems abnormally bold, in contrast to the very blah coloring of the peanut butter pieces. On their own, the jelly pieces look like your typical “red” berry piece, but mixed in the bowl they almost look nuclear.
Side Note : I finally replaced my previous camera, so this is hopefully the last review where the cereal looks like blurry, off-colored terribleness.
Since I already knew what the peanut butter pieces tasted like, I first tried the jelly pieces on their own. And they were good. They were either the same flavor as Crunch Berries, with maybe 10% more “natural-ness” flavoring added, or it’s just Kellogg’s approximation of actual Crunch Berries. In any case, no problems there.
Mixed together, as the cereal is presumably intended to be eaten (since it comes out of the box that way and all), it is a really good cereal.
The understated, more “real” flavored peanut butter pieces mesh perfectly with the “fake berry” jelly pieces. Instead of the opposite ends of the spectrum clashing, they just meet in the middle.
If you liked the original Jif cereal, I don’t see why you wouldn’t like this one (unless the dilution of the peanut butter purity is too much to handle). If you weren’t a big fan of it, it’s worth a shot.
Apparently, looking online to see what product’s discontinuation people are complaining about has become a viable business method. Or the other side of that, our innate desire to complain online has become rewarded, now numerous times, by a product’s re-release.
We’ve seen this with Surge, French Toast Crunch, probably other stuff I’m too lazy to remember, and now Smorz cereal.
I wasn’t too hyped on the return of Surge or French Toast Crunch, because I was never super into either of them when they originally came out. I don’t even remember if I ever actually had French Toast Crunch during its original run.
Smorz cereal falls into a different category than Surge or French Toast Crunch, in that I know I never had it, never had an interest in it. Also, that name is just awful.
Despite the box’s appearance, and that name, the cereal surprisingly did not come out in the 90’s. It came out in 2003, which was way too late for a cereal to be named “Smorz”.
I know a cereal’s box won’t always indicate exactly how it will look in the bowl, the size of the marshmallow compared to the cereal pieces on the box, versus how they actually compare, borders on criminally deceptive:
Thankfully, this change is something I prefer, as these are the more “real” cereal marshmallows, of which I am not a fan. Give me the dry Lucky Charms marshmallows all day, but the weird fake mini-marshmallows are often off putting .
The taste itself is okay. You get chocolate, graham, and marshmallow – it’s s’mores. Unfortunately, you get that cheap, crummy Cocoa Puffs-esque cereal chocolate flavor. The graham flavor is odd – it strikes a balance between “real” graham cracker flavor and the more artificial Golden Grahams flavor. The flavor compromise just leaves in this awkward, unsatisfying middle ground.
I think this cereal should have stayed dead. I know lots of people won’t agree, and that’s cool – they got their comeback victory. I’m just genuinely confused as to how Smorz could have generated the comeback clamoring it did. It’s not particularly good (being complimentary, there) and given its barely-deceased status, it doesn’t even have nostalgia going for it.
DC either likes to give off the attitude of being the morose cinematic Yang to Marvel’s more lighthearted Yin, or they just don’t seem to do much about fighting that reputation. Given their more stone faced attitude, the fact that they are bringing out a dynamic duo (comic reference!) of cereals to promote Batman Vs. Superman is something of a plot twist from DC.
I hadn’t actually heard that this was coming out. Not to brag, but I spend a fair amount of time online reading about comics, comic movies, and cereal. So seeing the boxes on the shelf was a very nice surprise. Especially because the boxes look awesome.
Take a moment to look at these boxes. LOOK AT THEM. Now, notice anything missing? That’s right, they didn’t even put the name of the cereal on the box. DC said, “The Superman and Batman logos are so iconic, if you don’t know what they are, you are dumb and we hate you.” And they are completely right.
There’s no need for a “Batman vs. Superman : Breakfast at Dawn” or any other cereal name. When you’re browsing the cereal aisle and BAM there’s a gigantic Bat (on the box, not a real one – that would change the mood), you’ll know exactly what’ up.
Bear in mind, my as-always photography does the boxes no (cough) justice. The box is textured, to simulate the kevlar weave of the Bat suit, and the Kryptonian hope whatever of Superman’s suit. In hand, the boxes look – and whatever I’m using this word to describe a cereal box I don’t care – gorgeous.
Once you get past the visual awesomeness, you see the two flavors : Caramel Crunch and Chocolate Strawberry. Hm. Not super exciting, but we’ll see how this goes.
I started with Batman first, because the flavor seemed more interesting (like the character). Opening the box, the cereal smells… sort of awful. Like cough medicine.
The cereal pieces do an admirable job of looking like bats. Not the high tech cereal advancements I had hoped to achieve by the 21st century, but still, batty enough.
Thankfully, the cereal tastes better than it smells. That being said, it only tastes okay. It has the mediocre chocolate flavor of Cocoa Puffs, with a weird berry aftertaste. I guess they were going for a chocolate covered strawberry flavor, given that Batman Lives For Love, but it’s an odd choice and an odd flavor.
At least the color / flavor has more to do with Batman than the 1989 Batman cereal, so credit for that, I guess.
Overall, it’s not a great eating experience, but not a bad one. The resulting milk was maybe a 3/10 chocolate level.
Superman’s cereal is even more in line with typical “Here you go, a licensed cereal – enjoy” thinking. While Batman’s wasn’t anything too out of the ordinary, they at least didn’t just make it chocolate. But Superman just gets a caramel-flavored cereal.
On the bright side, the S shields are decently done, but other than that it’s an incredibly dull looking bowl of cereal.
The cereal is standard caramel cereal – it tastes better than you’d expect, but is nothing interesting.
Unfortunately, once the cereal leaves the box, these two varieties are nothing special, or particularly good. Those boxes, though. It’s worth buying these cereals just to have them to look at on your shelf.
The Great Southern Trendkill by Pantera might be the best song you could ever add to a running mix for two reasons:
1) Motivation. If you’ve been running for a while, you might think, “I’m going to take a breather and walk for a bit.” If that line of thought occurs when this song starts, you are immediately forced to go back to running.
First, because the song is too intense and awesome, you feel like you’d be letting the song down by walking (somewhat ironic, given their track “Walk”).
Secondly, no matter how irrational this fear is, you can’t help but shake the thought that if you give up and stop running, Phil Anselmo will run up from behind and beat you to a pulp.
2) It makes for some of the best shuffle transitions ever. I’ve got over a thousand songs on my running mix, of all varieties. So it is quite a jarring change when ending of some light, poppier song like Interesting Drug by Morrissey or Emergency! Emergency! by The Promise Ring is immediately interrupted by the guttural opening “bbghghghghghAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!” opening scream of Trendkill.
I know I’m a few weeks late for this – but since so many people make losing weight their New Year’s resolution, I figured this would be a handy tip. Add Great Southern Trendkill to your playlist and watch the pounds melt off!
While at Waldbaum’s for the usual stocking up of my weekend party supplies (Chicken Vegetable Cup Noodles and Diet Mountain Dew), I noticed a rather enticing advertisement. The crudely photocopied ad hung in the window of a local stationary store.
I have and always will hold a soft spot in my heart for stationary stores. While growing up, almost my entire disposable income was spent in two places. The first was a deli mere blocks from my house, where I spent countless hours and countless dollars on Chocodiles and Street Fighter II. Although I had always though they were called “Choco-Diles” or possibly even “Choc-O-Diles”, Google confirms the correct spelling to be the rather blah, hyphen-less version.
The deli was my second love. The first was a stationary store next door to our local Waldbaum’s (a different Waldbaum’s, oddly enough… although I guess that’s stretching the acceptability of using the phrase “odd”) named Stage.
This card store sold everything I could want as a child. Sure, I could want more, but at the very least I could live happily on everything Stage could supply me. Stage had all the necessities for an eight+ year old boy: Archie comics, Bonkers, and all those candies that seem to exist solely in card stores, such as Alexander the Grapes. I never loved those little boxed candies, but they were always a solid investment, since after spending money on comics and full size candy the leftover change allowed me to purchase them.
Stage was also where one of my many ill-fated ideas to make money took shape. I purchased pack after pack of New Kids on the Block trading cards, thinking that I could both enjoy them, as well as store them. Since, obviously, they would be worth a lot of money in the future. For some reason, this idea never panned out. I’m not sure whether it is because the cards were damaged by storing them loosely in a metal tin, or if it is due to the New Kids’ popularity waning slightly. We will never know.
Before we delve too far into uninteresting childhood blather, let us return to the point at hand: stationary stores, and their inherent incredibleness.
I must have passed this sign dozens of times, thinking it advertised something within. Be it a mylar balloon or some other other licensed product, having a piece of paper advertising Spider-Man in the window of a card store makes perfect sense.
Today, however, I happened to look closer. I had to edit the picture because I don’t want to ruin the surprise. However, if I waited to post it, the unappealing wall of text would not have been broken. It was a piece of printer paper, with an image of the movie version of Spider-Man, with the title SPIDER-MAN FOR HIRE.
Color my interest piqued.
Had Spider-Man gone the way of Luke Cage and Iron Fist, selling his superhero protection to anyone who would pay him? Alas, that was not the case – it was merely a Spider-Man imposter dressed in his costume. Instead of fighting crime, he would show up at your child’s birthday party and entertain the kids while the adults feel uncomfortable.
Admittedly, I have never met Spider-Man. I looked on as he posed for pictures at Islands of Adventure, but never felt the need to get a picture with him. Come on, that’s just lame.
Besides, I had to get on line to pose with Doctor Doom.
What was especially unsettling about Spider-Man at Islands of Adventure was his butt padding. I guess when someone is slim enough to get in the Spidey suit, they tend to have little to no posterior. So to give Spider-Man the round buttocks that the kids expect, they always have this weird padding stuffed in there.
I should probably be more ashamed that I noticed that than I am.
Besides “Birthday Parties”, the sign manages to list five other possible times you might want Spider-Man walking around. I’ll let them slide with the next two, mostly because they’re so vague and similar I can’t be bothered to protest. “Special Events” and “Special Occasions” really should have been grouped as one, but I assume they didn’t want to throw off the balance of the sign, so I’ll let that slide.
“Holiday Events”? Unless it’s Halloween, I don’t see it. Even if it was Halloween, I don’t see it. “No, I didn’t wear a costume, but I hired this guy who did.” Not so festive.
I’m not really sure what goes on at a block party. I always lived on a street that was too busy for us to have one. Our family was also like Boo Radley with the neighbors, so we didn’t know anyone on the side streets that would enable us to go to their parties. I have seenthem as I drove by, and as far as I can tell they involved picnic tables, loud awful music, and the occasional bouncy castle.
And seeing as I am not allowed to go in the bouncy castle anymore since I’m “too old” and “too big”, I could honestly not care less about block parties.
I fear this may be a bit anticlimactic, because I honestly can’t think of much to say about the grand finale. Because honestly, how do you even begin to describe the logic behind hiring Spider-Man to appear at…
your wedding?
I thought of the best way to approach this, and I really don’t see how. There is no real way to add more humor to a concept that is already this ridiculous. Although hiring Spider-Man to show up at some one else’s wedding… now there’s an idea. The bad news is that I really can’t extrapolate on the Spider-Man at your wedding idea. The good news is that I don’t have to. It’s just that great.
Despite the fact that I spent the past dozen or so paragraphs doing so, I don’t want to knock the guy. Hopefully, this isn’t his career. I’m assuming he’s just a normal guy that happens to own a Spider-Man suit (which sort of lowers the “normal guy” bar a bit lower, but I’m not one to talk). So on the very off chance that he gets hired for a birthday party, he makes some cash for hanging out in a costume for a few hours on a Saturday. It’s some quick tax free money, and it looks great on his resumé.
And, worse case scenario, there is no way he can do as bad a job at entertaining kids as Shrek:
I don’t know what the big delay was with the government finally including more purple in its currency. While I would prefer every “5” to be purple, this is a major step in leading this nation into a fashion forward utopia.
“Feelin, funkin, amps in the trunk and I got more rhymes
than there’s cops at a Dunkin’ Donuts shop
Sho’ nuff, I got props
From the kids on the Hill plus my mom and my pops
I came to get down, I came to get down
So get out your seat and jump around!”
Hold on. Did he just brag about getting props from his parents?
As anyone who has been driving since, say, September knows, Christmas music is everywhere. Not that you have to be driving in order to hear Christmas music. You can pretty much go anywhere this time of year and hear Christmas music playing: mall, supermarket, temple, etc.
I actually enjoy a lot of Christmas music. It’s tough, because society does everything it can to make you hate it. Play it everywhere, so you get sick to death of the good songs. Make horrendous covers, so you grow to hate the versions you like. Or just make awful, awful “original” songs.
These “modern classics” run the gamut from awful to not-so-awful, with a few exceptions. Those exceptions aside, modern Christmas music is filled with so much crap that it drowns out the genuinely good Christmas music. And there is a lot, which you may have forgotten after having practiced drowning out Christmas music in general for so long.
Once you learn to tune out the truly dreadful songs, such as Santa Baby (a song about seducing Santa Claus), Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer (if you like this song, please exit life), and Do They Know It’s Christmas? (they should have implemented a donation system wherein the charity would receive money in order to have the song not played), you can start to remember the fact that there are a lot of damn good Christmas songs. Which, by the way, would make an awesome title for a holiday album.
Though it all boils down to personal preference, I have compiled a list to help guide you through the literally millions of Christmas songs out there. Where applicable, I mentioned the artists who perform my favorite versions. However, the songs themselves are the only thing I have cemented on this list. I can’t, except in a few instances, label who did the best version ever, simply because there are so many versions of most Christmas songs.
This also isn’t a list of “best modern Christmas songs” or “classic songs”; it’s a giant free for all. This will decide who comes out alive in the Christmas Octagon. And, finally, this isn’t really a “humor” article. It might be funny, but probably inadvertently. So if it is non-stop hilarity you seek, get out and never return. At least not until the next update.
Without further ado, I present:
The Coke-Babies Top 10 Christmas Songs of
ALL TIME.
A Charlie Brown Christmas – “Christmas Time Is Here”
This song, performed by the Vince Guaraldi Trio, has been a part of every person’s childhood, provided they were born after 1950. The entire soundtrack is fantastic, although the idea that a jazz album based on an animated special doesn’t seem like a recipe for success. Yet, it has managed to still be an extremely relevant Christmas album. What makes it such a great album is the variety, contrasts, and overall excellence in songwriting. The two tracks it is best known for, Linus and Lucy and Christmas Time Is Here, are almost polar opposites. Linus and Lucy is an extremely upbeat instrumental, a song that makes it difficult to avoid doing that stupid little head bop along to the music. I actually prefer this track; the reason I didn’t select it for the list is because it just doesn’t feel as Christmas-y as the other track. I love the sound of Christmas Time is Here because the music is such a downer. The vocals, with the droning, vaguely off-key bleating of children is far from perfect. However, they contrast with the low key jazz number that is backing them up, creating a blend of music that is unique to this soundtrack.
Harvey Danger – “Sometimes You Have to Work on Christmas (Sometimes)”
Many Christmas songs, even the good ones, fall short because they just feel so generic. It’s always the same “We’re oh so happy because it’s Christmastime” vibe. On the other end of the spectrum, many of the more modern songs go with the “I Hate Christmas” theme, in an effort to differentiate themselves. While there certainly are good songs from both these themes, they tend to fall flat because it doesn’t feel genuine. Not that I’m getting caught up in the artistic integrity, after all these are Christmas songs, for God’s sake (no pun intended).
Sometimes You Have to Work on Christmas (Sometimes) succeeds because it isn’t an utterly depressing tale of someone with nothing to live for on Christmas. It is a semi-depressing tale told in the first person of someone who, as the title suggests, is working in a movie theatre on Christmas. It’s the fact that the story being told isn’t completely sad that makes the song relatable; it’s just someone being put in an unfortunate situation on Christmas. Since feeling like you’re missing out on something during the Christmas season isn’t an altogether rare occurrence, this song hits home in a way that others can’t.
“Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy”
On the complete other end of the lyrical spectrum (none) is “Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy”, part of the Nutcracker Suite. While the entire Nutcracker Suite is quite good, I’ll be damned if I’m willing to sit through it very often. The standout for me, as well as many others, is the aforementioned “Dance…” This is the first of the truly classic Christmas songs on the list, and with good reason. This is one of the many great songs that, simply due to its ubiquity, gets lumped into the mediocrity of many other “classic” songs. As far as specific performances go, you can’t really go wrong. My favorite version is performed by the Royal Concertgebouw Orchestra, which is a fairly standard version, though very slightly more upbeat. From there, you can get this song in all types of flavors. The Bolshoi Symphony Orchestra’s version has a much more deliberate pacing, sacrificing performance speed for accuracy and skill. On the other hand, you have The Vandals, who trade skill for fun. You can’t go wrong with it; the piece is so well written that nearly any version of it can be enjoyed by nearly anyone listening to it. It even managed to please the notoriously picky Beavis and Butt-head.
Bright Eyes – “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen”
This is the one instance where I am listing a classic song by a specific artist. This is because of the fact that I never thought God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen was that great of a song. However, after hearing the song gutted, sped up, and basically re-imagined by an artist who I have never particularly cared for, it became one of my all time favorites. On a related note, the Bright Eyes Christmas Album is utterly fantastic. Like I said, I really do not care for Bright Eyes, or his mumbling, pseudo-folk nonsense. The Christmas Album, on the other hand, is a very imaginative collection of songs. This album also contains two other songs on my top 10 (although this song is the only one I consider to be exclusive to Bright Eyes, the other two are great songs in their own right).
Paul McCartney –”Wonderful Christmastime”
Yes, I’m aware that this is actually one of the most hated Christmas songs ever. I tend to enjoy Christmas songs with a more depressing feel, even when the message isn’t a depressing one. I just like the contrast of the happiest time of year, being described in a song that sounds exactly the opposite. Wonderful Christmastime by Paul McCartney does not fall into that category. This song is here simply because of how stupidly happy it is. From the goofy keyboard lines to the simplistic verses and chorus, everything about the song is upbeat. And if you’re going to go for a happy Christmas song, then go all out. This isn’t too surprising, coming from the ever-optimist of a Beatle. As an ulterior motive, I like listing this as one of the best Christmas songs ever simply due to how many people absolutely HATE this song.
“The Little Drummer Boy”
I can’t really explain why I like this song so much. The lyrics are nothing special, nothing stands out too much about the music, and I don’t think the “pa rum pump um pums” are enough to put it over the top. And yet there it is: number five. This is one of the songs where there are a lot of different artists who turn in renditions that I really like. First is the Vienna Boys Choir, who have recorded so many good renditions of Christmas songs that I am able to overcome the creepy overtones that comes with listening to them. The other two versions are by Low and Bright Eyes. The Low version is a very plodding, distorted, and sparse version. It has a very hauntingly reverent sound, which is fitting for many traditional songs, yet often lacking. The Bright Eyes version features heavily distorted vocals, and a military-sounding drum sample repeating throughout.
The Chipmunks – “The Chipmunks Song (Christmas Don’t Be Late)”
This, like the Peanuts songs, gains its strength from the fact that I’ve been listening to it since I was a kid. The reason this song is higher up than Christmas Time Is Here is because I could listen to the Chipmunks Song all day long. I usually kept listening because I always figured that eventually David Seville would snap and start beating Alvin with a belt.
Since hearing it, I always wondered what the big freaking deal about getting a hula hoop was, since I never cared for them in the slightest. With the father figure screaming at Alvin the whole time, as well as lines like, “We’ve been good, but we can’t last / Hurry Christmas, hurry fast,” the song also has a strong Calvin and Hobbes ancestor feel. It’s a testament to the song, that a “novelty” song can be rightly considered a classic.
“Carol of the Bells”
There really isn’t much to say about this song. No matter who is performing it, it will be good. It comes in two flavors: vocal and instrumental. The instrumental is more commonly heard; I also prefer it. The version with vocals is really good as well, since I rather like their hurried pace. I like the instrumental version better simply because the song is so good. The vocals, while enjoyable, distract from the music itself. Again, while there are certainly better versions than others, it doesn’t really matter who is performing it, it will be good no matter what. This is also a song that everyone knows, but not everyone knows the name of, so here is a crappy midi file that does the song no justice, in case you’re not sure.
“Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas”
By now, we have established that somber and / or sad Christmas songs are excellent. The best part about Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas is that it technically isn’t sad. The lyrics are very uplifting and optimistic. Yet the entire song is always blanketed in a strong feeling of melancholy. Unless it is an exceptionally goofy performance of the song (in which case, the performer should be shot), no artist is able to make it feel like a happy song. The song’s music and mood just have a strong “sad” feeling to it. Although it could certainly have a more depressing atmosphere. Sample lyric from the original draft of the song: “Have yourself a merry little Christmas, it may be your last.” Ho ho ho!
The sparse piano tinkling, the muddy pacing of the music, the often lack of any emotion in the vocals; it has it all. The blending of emotions from the happy theme being displayed in such a somber, almost morose tone makes for a very unique listen. Without a doubt, it is my favorite of the “classic” Christmas songs.
Run DMC – “Christmas in Hollis”
Christmas in Hollis is the greatest Christmas song ever written. It’s not because of its wonderful lyrics about the holiday spirit, it’s not because of its beautiful musical composition, and it’s not because it is the number one favorite of Christmas carolers worldwide (though it should be). It is the best Christmas song ever written because it is so awesome. From the moment the beat kicks in after the opening sleigh bells, you can tell this song is going to be fantastic.
Run starts off by rapping about being in the park on Christmas Eve, seeing Santa, and finding his wallet. Santa’s wallet apparently contained a million dollars in hundred and, uh, thousand dollar bills, and a license that said “Santa Claus”. Run, however, would never steal from Santa (cause that ain’t right), so he went to mail it back to him that night. Although I would never recommend mailing cash. But when Run got home, he found a note from Santa, saying the million dollars was a Christmas present to him. Damn.
DMC then extrapolates on his family’s Christmas menu, including macaroni and cheese (which is served on a spinning table), as well as his household decorations. The video for this song is fantastic, featuring some of the stupidest and cheapest looking sets found in any music video, ever. The video allows for the band to actually have fun in a Christmas song, and it actually appears like they are. The video also involves one of Santa’s elves spying on Run DMC, then stealing Run’s black hat and chains. In exchange, Run gets an elf hat.
The finale of the video has Run, DMC, and Jam Master Jay coming back to find their presents from Santa: two mics and a turntable. Awesome. They rap some more about Christmas, and begin throwing streamers around. And while describing this video, Butt-head put it best: “Christmas would be cool if it was like this.”
Diet Coke-Babies 