Diet Coke-Babies

The idea of Hershey’s Candy Corn terrified me.  The white bag insinuated that it was white chocolate-based, which I hate.  It also implies that it is candy corn flavored (is “implies” the right term when they’re actually flat-out telling you?  I’m assuming no.).  I like candy corn, but “candy corn-flavored” is usually a losing proposition.

Investigating the bag further reveals some strange information – or, rather, a lack of information.  This is just called “Hershey’s Candy Corn”.  There is no “bar”, “chocolate”, or any other distinguishing terms.

The clear little window at the bottom reveals that these are your standard Fun Size Hershey bars – four little rectangles of mediocrity.  So clearly, this isn’t just candy corn.  And it isn’t, at least they’re not specifying it is, white chocolate.  It’s “Candy Corn Creme”.  And as someone who hates white chocolate, I can tell you that “Candy Corn Creme” isn’t really a step in the right terminology direction.

Upon opening the bag… jeez.  The entire room was absolutely engulfed in a smell of weaponized sugar.  Not a strong sugar smell like you’re touring a candy factory – a strong sugar smell that makes you involuntarily gag.

Unwrapping a bar, I knew it was slightly doomed from the start.  Even if it wasn’t white chocolate, its striking similarity would give me prejudice against it.  But it was the first potentially-white chocolate I’d be willing to try in years, so at least it had that going for it.

I think it’s safe to say that “Candy Corn Creme” is not much of an improvement over white chocolate.  In fact, it is probably worse.  I don’t like white chocolate, but it’s a relatively harmless thing.  “Candy Corn Creme” is actively creepy.  First, what is it – melted candy corn, reformed into a bar?  Melted candy corn mixed with cocoa butter?  Pure cocoa butter with candy corn flavoring?  Whatever it is, it’s not good.

The texture is soft – softer than candy corn, and probably a little softer than normal white chocolate (though I’m freely admitting I don’t really remember that texture exactly).  The little dots of candy corn sprinkled throughout didn’t add much.  There was maybe an occasional slight change in texture, but for the most part they just seemed to serve the purpose of being decorative.

Flavor-wise, it does somewhat taste like candy corn, but more like a caricature of candy corn – all the flaws of candy corn flavor are exaggerated.  I know candy corn is a hit or miss food, but I like it.  I like some more than others, as I mentioned in my instantly forgettable Halloween Olympics, ten years ago.  But plain candy corn is a nice, pure sugar experience, and has a good chewy texture (especially if you let it get like a week stale in a candy dish – right before it gets hard and brittle).

Hershey’s Candy Corn, on the other hand, is an awkwardly soft, overly sweet parody of candy corn.  It’s not good, to be sure.  But if you like white chocolate and really like candy corn, this might be something worth trying.  I can’t flat out say don’t try it, but it absolutely is not for me.

And since this is the first “new” Halloween product I’ve seen so far this year, it’s a depressing start.