Diet Coke-Babies

A disturbing trend in the sugar world has been the encroachment of Easter candy into the Halloween world.  I wouldn’t have as much of an issue with it, if they weren’t trying to sneak in the bad Easter candy.  If we were getting spooky Robin Eggs, I’d probably be on board.  Unfortunately, we get things like pumpkin-shaped Peeps and Halloween Creme Eggs.

It might come as something of a shock, but I really don’t like Cadbury Creme Eggs.  Considering the fact that it is a chocolate shell encasing what is literally liquid sugar, it seems like it would be right up my alley.  But the chocolate shell is mediocre, and the “creme” is horrifying.  It’s like a sweetened version of various bodily fluids mixed together.

Not content to just be annoying at Easter time, Cadbury has introduced the Screme Egg.  And I’m well aware that I’m using a very loose definition of “introduced”.  I’m using the definition that means “I finally got around to it.”

So, basically, it has been Halloweenified by making the yolk green, and putting a witch hat on the bunny.  Yes, many candies are sold on Halloween with far less re-theming.  But the Creme Egg has such a strong connection to Easter, that it needs to be more jarring of a re-theme to feel like something that should exist for Halloween. 

Make all the creme green, rather than the yolk.  And make the yolk a different color.  Maybe a green egg with a blood red yolk.  Wait no, green and red is Christmas.  They could have made the white part green, and kept the yolk as that orange-y color, maybe just amp up the orange-y-ness.  Sorry, this review is rapidly going downhill in terms of using made up words.

The “Fear Not! It’s the same great taste” claim just reinforces the idea that this isn’t ready to be a big Halloween candy player.  We know that this is an obvious color palette swap.  This is just the Reptile to the Easter version’s Scorpion.  But something about the fact that they couldn’t give the customer any credit to figure this out, and they had to spell it out for us – it’s a slap in the face.  How dare they underestimate our candy-buying prowess.

Besides the whole “Go away, come back at Easter” aspect, I just don’t get when this would really be applied.  Not many people are going to give this out to trick or treaters.  The Creme Egg works because it goes in an Easter basket, with the other… that’s right – eggs.  Sure, you’ll have people buying it to shamefully eat then and there, but the majority of them are going in baskets.

As a candy-containing vessel, Easter basket to Halloween pumpkin doesn’t translate well, because most Halloween candy is given out in small and inexpensive pieces.  The Screme Egg is too pricey to be given away.  Plus, if you put this in a kid’s pumpkin, it would get crushed by the other candy, and you would have the creme slop spilling everywhere.  If you see a Screme Egg display, look in it – there will be at least a few crushed ones, and half the eggs will have slimy liquid sugar oozing out of the wrapper.  Now imagine this structural disaster in a kid’s pumpkin, ruining all of the superior, Halloween-ier candy.  It would be a travesty of epic proportions.

And if someone is unfortunate to get this, this is what they will be “treated” to:

Yum, a chocolate-covered head cold!

I apologize, since I do realize that lots of people inexplicably love Creme Eggs.  And I am fine with them at Easter.  Just keep this crap away from Halloween.