ice cream review

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Friendly’s Wattamelon Sundae

Posted by robbposch on June 24, 2016
Posted in: Food, Food Review. Tagged: , , , , , , , , , . Leave a comment

Due to my long distance relationship with Friendly’s, sometimes some amazing releases escape even my watchful eye.  So according to my research, this is a month or two shy of reviewing a brand new product.  But that’s not too shabby considering I live about 1,800 miles away from where I bought it from.

 

One of Friendly’s most popular (I’m assuming, but I find letting facts get in the way makes for less fun writing) products are their collection of pre-packaged sundaes.  And without a doubt, their most popular product overall is the Wattamelon Roll (again, assuming – but if someone doesn’t agree with that I don’t want to know that person nor do I want to interact with them on any level).

 

Friendly’s finally decided to Frankenstein these products together, in an attempt to produce an offspring that could unite the families and rule all the lands.

 

01

 

I’ve mentioned Friendly’s rolls once or twice on here (and approximately two thousand or so times a day in real life).  The restaurants serve actual food, but I think that’s largely just so people feel less ashamed, and don’t have to just sit down at a table and say “A very large portion of ice cream, please!”

 

So the ice cream is where it’s at.  And the actual ice cream is all well and good, but the packaged products at Friendly’s are the stars.  We’ve discussed the rolls before.  Well, I’ve talked about them – you have been almost aggressively non-verbal about them.  But one other line of products that is important to describe – especially since that’s what this review is about – are the pre-packaged sundaes.

 

01a

 

They look like this, are slightly larger than the size of a baseball.

 

You might wonder, “If you’re largely indifferent to the ice cream, and the actual sundaes you can buy, why are the packaged ones so special?”  Easy – because they’re pre-packaged.  It’s a little cup with a sundae in it.

 

They come with all the advantages of other pre-packaged versions of food: convenience, not being quite as good as the real thing but for some reason that is okay, and not having to place an order means you don’t have to interact with as many people during the day.

 

As for the Wattamelon Sundae, finding it on the shelf should not prove to be a problem.  I think Friendly’s put something in the package’s ink to make the green actually glow.  The combination of intensely bright green, red, and pink means this sundae will never run the risk of being hit by a car at night.  There was probably a very slim chance of that ever happening anyway, but still – playing it safe is smart.

 

02

 

Besides the garish colors, the other thing that is immediately noticeable on the packaging is what appears to be green slime.  Like, Friendly’s got a really good deal on the factory where Hostess made Turtle Pies, and just figured “Hey, waste not want not!”

 

03

 

Being so used to what a Wattamelon Roll looks like, looking at the sundae for the first time was odd.  The layer of mutagen was a shocking to see.  Also new wass what appeared to be a fake cherry on top, or maybe a little M&M on some Fat Frog levels.  Further inspection revealed that this was just a little bit of the watermelon sherbet peeking through.

 

04

 

The green part was described as “whipped topping”, which can mean a lot of things.  Usually I think it’s more when it’s a Cool Whip type thing, where if you call it “whipped cream” that’s technically lying and you can face a small amount of prison time.

 

05

 

In this instance, it was more like thin pudding, which reinforces my Hostess factory theory.  The topping kind of ran down when you took a bite, which at first looked creepy, but actually was a good contrast to the firmer sherbet.

 

06

 

The watermelon sherbet is the same Wattamelon goodness we already know and love.  There are chocolate chips / chunks on top of the sundae, but they are still in the sherbet as well.

 

Given the small handful of thousands of Wattamelon Rolls I have consumed, trying the sundae for the first time was a very confusing experience.  It is, to be sure, a very good product.  But it was also an internal battle, constantly thinking, “Wait, Wattamelon Roll doesn’t have whipped cream topping!  Where is the fake rind?  What is going on?”

 

You may have to dig deep, to find that secondary level of courage that you’ve always hoped to never need, to overcome these initial challenges.  Because once you realize this isn’t “Wattamelon Roll crammed into a little cup”, and embrace the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle changes, it becomes an awesome sundae.

 

07

 

The sundae cup still doesn’t solve my main problem – Wattamelon Roll availability.  If for some reason the sundae cups made their way out to me, but not the rolls, they’d be an extremely welcome product.  They would surpass the Watermelon Bomb Pops as my Wattamelon Roll methadone treatments.

 

But since both Wattamelon Rolls and Wattamelon Sundaes are all, presumably, for sale in the same areas, there is some redundancy.  Which is why they were smart to make it a sundae, with an actual change to the roll.

 

As the old cliché goes, “Sometimes you’re in the mood for green whipped topping on your sundae, and sometimes you’re more in the mood for lemon sherbet.”

 

So while there’s a bit of redundancy in the products, they’re different enough to warrant purchasing both.  Especially since when it’s 3 AM and you wake up hungry, it’s much easier to grab a pre-packaged sundae and eat it in bed than it is to cut a slice of Wattamelon Roll when you’re half awake.

[insert seal of approval here]

 

Ice Cream Review : Friendly’s Jubilee Roll

Posted by robbposch on December 24, 2014
Posted in: Food, Food Review, Holidays. Tagged: , , , , , , , , . 3 Comments

I touched upon the glory that is Friendly’s Jubilee Roll in my groundbreaking exposé on Walmart’s refusal to make me happy by stocking Wattamelon Rolls.

 

And while Wattamelon Rolls will always be my one true love, it is important to give Jubilee Rolls their much-deserved due.

 

01

 

We will ignore the fact that I can’t easily walk into a Friendly’s restaurant, since I live thousands of miles from the nearest one.  If I did live near one, I could go in there whenever I want, and buy a Jubilee Roll for a modest price.  But when I was a kid, this was not something so easily done.  When I was little, Jubilee Rolls were flat-out impressive – they were big, fancy, and looked like they were expensive.

 

So besides the fact that it tasted awesome, and was directly associated with Christmas, the Jubilee Roll’s reputation had a bit of a royal air to it.

 

My family ate Jubilee Rolls for dessert on Sundays during Christmas time.  What this did was form an absolute connection between the ice cream and the upcoming holiday.  Every Jubilee Roll brought into the house meant I was one week closer to Christmas.  To a kid, that is some serious power for ice cream to wield.

 

I won’t go any further into my Christmas memories and the Jubilee Roll connection, because I am well aware that my own personal memories are going to bore most people.  So, on to the good stuff.

 

02

 

I apologize in advance to the good people at Friendly’s, for probably hurting future sales due to my pictures.  My photos always manage to make everything I’m writing about look much worse, often to the point of looking ugly or unappetizing.

 

Friendly’s really needs to step up its online game, because when I went to look for official pictures, to show you how it should actually look, I found basically nothing.  So eventually, if you Google Image search “Jubilee Roll”, you’re going to find my pictures, and that won’t be good for sales.

 

The Jubilee Roll is an “ice cream roll”, which is – I don’t know – like an ice cream cake, just shaped more like a Yodel.  I will give them credit, as their phrasing is much more catchy and succinct than mine.

 

03

 

It’s possible that you’re meant to eat a Jubilee Roll in haphazard bites – getting little bits of different flavors and textures, to make each bite different.  If you are eating it like that – stop.  There is a necessary order to eating a Jubilee Roll, and the steps are as follows:

 

First, you eat the little bit of chocolate chip ice cream at the bottom, in order to gain access to the chocolate ice cream in the center.  If you want extra credit, you can cut the chocolate ice cream out, without eating the chocolate chip ice cream.

 

Next, eat the chocolate ice cream.  Chocolate ice cream is okay, but it’s sort of boring, and the least-exciting aspect of the roll.

 

After eating the chocolate ice cream, you can move on to eating the chocolate chip ice cream.  Save some ice cream below each strip of the fudge and nuts, enough to make a good-sized bite.

 

Once you have eaten the chocolate chip ice cream, move on to the two bites that will now contain fudge, nuts, and a little chocolate chip ice cream.  These bites are awesome.

 

Finally, you are left with the pink part.  You must now pause and appreciate how good your life is at this current moment.  I’ve heard heretics say the pink part is simply vanilla ice cream with some coloring added to it.  There is a special, extra-hot corner of hell for these people.

 

The pink part is one of the most glorious creations in the world.  It is also the smallest part of a slice of Jubilee Roll, making the joy fleeting, and something that must be truly savored.  It’s a like a metaphor for life, maybe.  I’m not sure how well that lines up, but it almost sounds good.

 

Once the pink part is eaten, you are, unfortunately, done.  If you are under the age of twelve, or if you are by yourself, you are permitted to lick the plate.

 

Merry Christmas!

 

As an added bonus: I have had these pictures in a random directory on my computer for literally fifteen years.  I don’t know why I have them, where they came from, or what I could really do with them, so I will include them here as some informative visual aids.

 

04

05

Ice Cream Review: Wonka’s Peel-a-Pop

Posted by robbposch on May 6, 2014
Posted in: Food, Food Review. Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , . Leave a comment

If you’ve recently thought to yourself, “I love peeling bananas, but I don’t actually like eating fruit or even taking in nutrients, for that matter.” – you’re in luck!

 

01

 

Presumably after their mind had been altered by a trip on the terrifying chocolate river ferry, someone over at Wonka came up with the Peel-a-Pop.  This is an ice cream confection where you peel the “skin” off the ice cream, to get to the “fruit” within.  Sure, why not?

 

By the way, I apologize for using the term “ice cream confection” – it sounds too grown up.  But it’s not an ice pop, or even a bar, so I didn’t know what else to do.

 

Unlike bananas, unless you are eating them incorrectly, with the Peel-a-Pops, you are expected to eat the peel.  You probably won’t want to (more on that in a minute), but you can and are encouraged to do so.

 

The Peel-a-Pops come in Vanilla Grape and Vanilla Banana.  I didn’t buy the Vanilla Banana flavor because that sounded vile.  But in case you require a review of both flavors, here is my review of Vanilla Banana: No.

 

02

 

On the back of the box is where things take a bit of a turn.  This is mostly due to some very creepy terminology being used.

 

Wonka advises you to stay fit by balancing tasty treats with oodles of active play.  First, “oodles” is an inherently unpleasant word.  The only time it is acceptable to use that word is when you are referring to Oodles of Noodles.  Otherwise, you sound like a pervert.

 

And speaking of perverts, I can never hear “Tasty Treats” and not immediately think of this:

 

 

Apologies for the atrocious quality but the show likes to take down everything of theirs from Youtube, so I had to make do with what was available.

 

In case your interest is piqued by the “fantabulous fact” that the pops are 70 calories each, the box also rewards you with twice the nutritional facts.

 

Apparently Wonka assumes that people who are enticed by foods that you can peel will not be good at math, so they felt the need to not only tell you the calories for two bars, but for one instead.

 

03

 

Fret not – you don’t have to do all the complicated “dividing by two” here – Wonka’s got your back.  Although some of the numbers, when compared, do show off that nutritional fact information rule of “if it’s less than half a gram, let’s just pretend it’s not there.  (shrug)”

 

04

 

I was surprised by the size of the pop itself.  I wasn’t expecting it to be the size of a banana, but it was still much smaller than I expected.  (Insert Michael Scott .gif here.)

 

The pop also reminds me of the exogorth (AKA space slug, for those of you who go outside) from Empire Strikes Back.

 

After breaking out a ruler, since writing “about this big” while cupping my thumb and fingers into a rough estimation of size doesn’t translate well into text, the pop is about four inches tall.

 

05

 

The peeling, while not effortless, works fairly well, and results in sort of a banana-looking thing.  It’s at this point where much of the appeal (no pun intended) falls apart.

 

I was expecting the peel to be sort of like Fruit By The Foot.  It obviously needed some sort of chewy texture to peel like that, so I figured that made the most sense.  Instead, it had the texture of what I assume that wax you peel of Babybel cheese would be like, if it was left outside to soften.  And tasted about as good as that, as well.

 

The peel is simply awful.  The texture is horrifying, and it has a taste not unlike children’s cough medicine.

 

06

 

The ice cream itself is good – the vanilla flavor tastes similar to vanilla Jell-O Pudding Pops, with a very light hint of grape flavor sucked in from the peel through osmosis.  But in the end, you realize that the only edible part of this pop is a few inches of vanilla ice cream, and decide that’s not a very exciting treat.

 

Don’t get me wrong – Wonka products are awesome… usually.  This was just a miss for them.  I appreciate the idea of adding a novelty factor for absolutely no other reason than adding a novelty factor.  They knew it wouldn’t make the product taste better, and that it would just make it harder to eat.  But they still made it just to have this strange product thrown out there, and I respect that.

 

But when my dog, who literally eats feces out of my cat’s litter box if given the chance, refuses to eat the peel, it’s not a good sign.

 

07

 

It’s possible that this was one of the products that Charlie green-lit after taking over, so maybe Willy isn’t at fault for this.  If the Peel-a-Pop was a song from the movie, it would be “Cheer Up Charlie” – not good, off-putting, has a weird grape flavor, and dogs don’t like it.

 

Well, most of those attributes apply to both the Peel-a-Pop and the song, anyway.

 

[no seal of approval]